Webpage designers from hell, part 2
Wednesday morning:
Koodiorjatyttö (to SecurityGuy): Hey, did you know that PeelotRUs also want to host your webpage? I really don't recomment it. (Followed by the list of security problems.)
Wednesday night:
SecurityGuy: I called the PeeloIsMe and told him that he is not hosting our page. Now get a copy and put it up.
Koodiorjatyttö (to PeeloIsMe): Hey, I just talked to SecurityGuy and he decided that we are hosting the page on our server. Now can I have a copy?
PeeloIsMe: But it's a dynamic page! It gets generated from the database for every client according to the application logic! You can take copies and edit them and then submit them back, but what's the point?
Koodiorjatyttö: The point is that we want to host it on our server, and there is no need for it to be dynamic. It's not like we change the content often or need to show different things to different customers. However, if dynamic is easier for you just tell us how to set it up on our server.
SecurityGuy (to Koodiorjatyttö): Shit, all I wanted is a simple web page designed by somebody who knows how it will look in Internet Explorer. Now that I think of it it would have been cheaper just to buy you a laptop with IE.
Koodiorjatyttö: No shit.
Tonight:
SecurityGuy: I called the PeeloIsMe and told him we want it static and on our server.
An hour later:
SecurityGuy: I called the PeeloIsMe and he insists that it should be dynamic. He says that with a dynamic web page you can keep a track of who is visiting. Just make a redirect from our server to his, and then we'll see about some way to pressure him to move it to ours. He'll send you the instructions. I want it now! Or else I am not paying that fucker a cent.
Koodiorjatyttö: Remember when I told you about those totally cool things called server access logs? We can keep track of who is visiting without making it dynamic. So what do you want me to do?
SecurityGuy: Do what he wants because I don't want to be mean to him, and put it on our server.
Koodiorjatyttö: These are two mutually exclusive orders, and why do you want to keep that fucker happy? And anyway, who found him and where and why and who ordered the damn pages from him and what exactly did they say to him?
SecurityGuy: Uhm. Put the pages up and don't piss him off and I don't care how you do it. He is a relative.
Koodiorjatyttö: Shit. Whose?
An hour later:
PeeloIsMe: I suggest you just remap your domain name to our page and then we'll see about the page. The whole idea behind this site was to grow it over time into a CRM system - otherwise we would not be involved. The static functionality of the current site will be very insignificant portion of the application. And then after we are done we can set it up on your server if you give us the admin rights.
Koodiorjatyttö (aside): Yeah, right, admin rights. To the guys who probably use their own names as passwords.
Koodiorjatyttö (to the Security Guy): They want us to remap our domain name to point there.
SecurityGuy: No fucking way. Make him make a static copy, and if you fail make a redirect from our server to their. Yeah, and call the guy and don't be a bitch to him but make him do what we want. Be nice and subtle but firm.
Koodiorjatyttö: Yeah, fucking Miss Manners, that's me! Whose fucking relative is he, what kind of a fucking moron ordered a webpage from him and why, I am sorry if that was you, and what exactly did they agree on?
SecurityGuy: Uhm. He is a relative of the CrazyPartner, and he ordered the page, and I don't know what they agreed upon, if anything, and CrazyPartner knows even less about web design than myself, if that is possible. But don't be mean.
Koodiorjatyttö (aka FuckingMissManners): Hi. We would like to have a static version of these pages on our server, as soon as possible.
PeeloIsMe: But we are a serious company! We don't do static pages! We are doing a CRM (Customer Relationship Management) application for you! What you see in those pages is just a lowly and unsignificant beginning! Any code slave girl with a FrontPage can do static pages!
Koodiorjatyttö: Looks like the static pages is all that we want.
PeeloIsMe: You don't know what you want!
He does have a point, mind you, with at least three people telling him three different things.
Koodiorjatyttö: Would you like to explain to me why I should want this CRM thing?
PeeloIsMe: You can see who is visiting your site!
Koodiorjatyttö: I can in any case. I have mastered the fine art of reading the web server access logs. Any other reason?
PeeloIsMe: You don't know anything about CRM, do you?
Koodiorjatyttö: No. Do enlighten me.
PeeloIsMe: Well, if you don't know anything about it there is no point in telling you, is there?
Koodiorjatyttö (aside, since promised not to be a bitch): Way to go with the sales pitch here, dude!
Koodiorjatyttö (to PeeloIsMe): Guess not. We'll be wanting static pages then.
Koodiorjatyttö (to SecurityGuy): Next time you decide to get new pages...
SecurityGuy: I'll inform you before and not after?
Koodiorjatyttö: Right. Yeah, and ordering web pages from a company whose own front page contains 18 html errors - might not be a good idea.
Koodiorjatyttö (to SecurityGuy): Hey, did you know that PeelotRUs also want to host your webpage? I really don't recomment it. (Followed by the list of security problems.)
Wednesday night:
SecurityGuy: I called the PeeloIsMe and told him that he is not hosting our page. Now get a copy and put it up.
Koodiorjatyttö (to PeeloIsMe): Hey, I just talked to SecurityGuy and he decided that we are hosting the page on our server. Now can I have a copy?
PeeloIsMe: But it's a dynamic page! It gets generated from the database for every client according to the application logic! You can take copies and edit them and then submit them back, but what's the point?
Koodiorjatyttö: The point is that we want to host it on our server, and there is no need for it to be dynamic. It's not like we change the content often or need to show different things to different customers. However, if dynamic is easier for you just tell us how to set it up on our server.
SecurityGuy (to Koodiorjatyttö): Shit, all I wanted is a simple web page designed by somebody who knows how it will look in Internet Explorer. Now that I think of it it would have been cheaper just to buy you a laptop with IE.
Koodiorjatyttö: No shit.
Tonight:
SecurityGuy: I called the PeeloIsMe and told him we want it static and on our server.
An hour later:
SecurityGuy: I called the PeeloIsMe and he insists that it should be dynamic. He says that with a dynamic web page you can keep a track of who is visiting. Just make a redirect from our server to his, and then we'll see about some way to pressure him to move it to ours. He'll send you the instructions. I want it now! Or else I am not paying that fucker a cent.
Koodiorjatyttö: Remember when I told you about those totally cool things called server access logs? We can keep track of who is visiting without making it dynamic. So what do you want me to do?
SecurityGuy: Do what he wants because I don't want to be mean to him, and put it on our server.
Koodiorjatyttö: These are two mutually exclusive orders, and why do you want to keep that fucker happy? And anyway, who found him and where and why and who ordered the damn pages from him and what exactly did they say to him?
SecurityGuy: Uhm. Put the pages up and don't piss him off and I don't care how you do it. He is a relative.
Koodiorjatyttö: Shit. Whose?
An hour later:
PeeloIsMe: I suggest you just remap your domain name to our page and then we'll see about the page. The whole idea behind this site was to grow it over time into a CRM system - otherwise we would not be involved. The static functionality of the current site will be very insignificant portion of the application. And then after we are done we can set it up on your server if you give us the admin rights.
Koodiorjatyttö (aside): Yeah, right, admin rights. To the guys who probably use their own names as passwords.
Koodiorjatyttö (to the Security Guy): They want us to remap our domain name to point there.
SecurityGuy: No fucking way. Make him make a static copy, and if you fail make a redirect from our server to their. Yeah, and call the guy and don't be a bitch to him but make him do what we want. Be nice and subtle but firm.
Koodiorjatyttö: Yeah, fucking Miss Manners, that's me! Whose fucking relative is he, what kind of a fucking moron ordered a webpage from him and why, I am sorry if that was you, and what exactly did they agree on?
SecurityGuy: Uhm. He is a relative of the CrazyPartner, and he ordered the page, and I don't know what they agreed upon, if anything, and CrazyPartner knows even less about web design than myself, if that is possible. But don't be mean.
Koodiorjatyttö (aka FuckingMissManners): Hi. We would like to have a static version of these pages on our server, as soon as possible.
PeeloIsMe: But we are a serious company! We don't do static pages! We are doing a CRM (Customer Relationship Management) application for you! What you see in those pages is just a lowly and unsignificant beginning! Any code slave girl with a FrontPage can do static pages!
Koodiorjatyttö: Looks like the static pages is all that we want.
PeeloIsMe: You don't know what you want!
He does have a point, mind you, with at least three people telling him three different things.
Koodiorjatyttö: Would you like to explain to me why I should want this CRM thing?
PeeloIsMe: You can see who is visiting your site!
Koodiorjatyttö: I can in any case. I have mastered the fine art of reading the web server access logs. Any other reason?
PeeloIsMe: You don't know anything about CRM, do you?
Koodiorjatyttö: No. Do enlighten me.
PeeloIsMe: Well, if you don't know anything about it there is no point in telling you, is there?
Koodiorjatyttö (aside, since promised not to be a bitch): Way to go with the sales pitch here, dude!
Koodiorjatyttö (to PeeloIsMe): Guess not. We'll be wanting static pages then.
Koodiorjatyttö (to SecurityGuy): Next time you decide to get new pages...
SecurityGuy: I'll inform you before and not after?
Koodiorjatyttö: Right. Yeah, and ordering web pages from a company whose own front page contains 18 html errors - might not be a good idea.
